We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
