It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm getting married
To pizza
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
