can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
