Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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