Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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