You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
