but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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