Where did you get a picture of my penis
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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