Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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