THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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