i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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