Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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