WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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