i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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