wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
