I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
