I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
