You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
