Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
