Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
