how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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