That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
