I met the friendliest cop last night
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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