yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
