i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
