My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize