apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
