I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
