If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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