Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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