i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
smell my finger.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Damn victory sex feels great
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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