cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
