I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
