You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we're making bets on your personal life
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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