he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
