Pappa wants mamma naked
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I love you.
Bad choice
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
