I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
