We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
