1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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