i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
