You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
