Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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