They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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