Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So vagazzling was a success
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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