Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
