Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
