it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize