There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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