I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
