Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
