You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm lost and stupid without you.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
