Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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