Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I have tasted many bathrooms
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
