This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
