I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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