there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
