I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
