so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
