Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
