i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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