I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
