This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
