my mouth tastes like poor choices
well I can't set my house on fire every night
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
