Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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