Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
