As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i came on her dog
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
