We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so explain again why im purple
no
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
