dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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