I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
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also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
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Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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