I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
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Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
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God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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