I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
