he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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