my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
