You're completely useless in the revolution.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
