I'm lost and stupid without you.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
