My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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